Ok All of you perfectly lousy golfers here is what you have been waiting for. My 2018 predictions. Now in the past this has offended a few and angered many. But I have always tried to give my honest unbiased opinion based on facts and only facts. This year has seen many changes to the face of the same old TPGL. I akin this to that pink blankie that your mother tried to take away from you when you turned 14 and you probably still have a small 2” square of it in your pocket today. But I do not want to dwell on your Freudian mother issues. With the TPGL ascending to new heights as a traveling league, I guess The Arboretum would be considered our home course. They have welcomed us under one condition that no one is our league jumps up and down on their pristine greens. Sorry Brociek you are not welcome back.
Danny Brown
Best golfer will be challenged this year by not only some new comers but old dogs with new tricks. We all agree that Danny “Tiger” Brown is the best. WAIT take a deep breath and don’t get worked up already. He is the best. I did not say the winningest. He works the hardest and understands his golf swing better than you. With a more aggressive game and not protecting par all the time he will be contending in the latter days of summer. But he does have that very low handicap strapped to his back.
Tom Boettcher
Another low baller is “The Boettch”. He has the game but age is his biggest foe. Again, I know of no one who works harder at staying 2 steps ahead of the grim reaper. With his work out routine, the many unapproved FDA elixirs he ingests, this along with his constant tweaking of a short and compact golf swing should see him giving Tiger a run for his money. Bad news is he still has some putting issues.
Kerry Dean
The on again, off again Kerry Dean is rumored to be coming back. Now he is a big powerful guy with some tender hands around the green. There are times his game looks brilliant and other times when he has bridal gowns on his mind. No you weirdo he is not like that, he is in the wedding business, or was. Anyway he is a long shot at best to possibly be hoisting the covenant cup.
Pat Healy
I remember watching a new TPGL member, a few years back in a playoff and I was so impressed with his take no prisoners approach to the game. Of course Pat Healy did loose the playoff. But should his aggressive play catch a couple lucky breaks he could contend. But then again like some of his brethren, Deerfield still has his heart. So go ahead and bet him but not the bank.
Mike Scardina
Hello Mike . . . you out there ? Yea the “Scar” has the game but may be lacking the distance. I have never seen anyone with a short game equal to his So I would keep an eye on him, if you can locate him. He may be in hiding planning his Coup.
Ray Brehart and Bobby Tafoya
How about some of those with hacks to give. I mean the higher handicapper’s. Rumor has it that “Nasty” Ray Brehart and his say “Hello to my little Friend” Bobby T have spent some time working with a swing coach in Arizona this winter. Hmmmm lets think about it, a Bobby T with a consistent repeating golf swing. They both have past wins on the tour and with distance being their nemesis, this years option to move up in the tee box could play a big part in their victory. Of course Nasty Ray needs to find his putting stroke for more than one round at a time.
Doug Kotil
The “Critter” Kotil is another one with a blue ribbon pinned on his chest. He has won but he needs the help of a Canadian Psychologist on his bag to be successful. Has the skill with the temper to go with it. Kind of the TPGL version of Pat Perez.
John Pucin
Speaking of tempers, another rumor is the “Volcano” is coming back. I heard that John Pucin has been undergoing therapy for the past 5 years. Hey there are quite a few with temper issues.
Bob Kirsch and Rick Wendrow
Could Bob Kirsch or Rick Wendrow be contending with some therapy ? Maybe. I feel Ricky boy has the game, has the distance and has a fire. Bob not so sure.
Jim Hope
An up and constant riser is “The Great White Hope” Jim has for the past 6 years been working with a well known instructor at Pine Meadow. And it shows. Now, if he could only maintain that brilliance from May until the playoffs he could be yelling “SHOTGUN” and telling Tiger to take a back seat this year.
Tim Grosch
Lets delve back into hot heads for a moment. There is no one I have ever know with such a fine game that could ruin a round at the drop of an out of bounds ball as “Burr Head” Grosch. Trust me this guy can play, at times. And when he is not playing he is bitching. Oh man can he bitch. And he can get mean in a heart beat. But as with most, age does soften us all. And he seems to be in Nirvana the past couple of years. I guess legal fees for a lawyer will do that. Along with a great wife. But if he should be able to calm his mind, he might be able to claw his way to the top.
Bob Ward
What about Bob? Hey this guy took so much carp about his preshot routine, I mean it felt like I could watch a whole baseball game in the time it took him to make a swing. He has made changes and improvements, could this be his year?
Art Hurley
Can Art Hurley ever repeat ? He last won after sneaking in to the playoff on a wild card. Some felt he should not have been allowed. But he got in via the Bloody Sunday and never once looked back. Wire to wire. Again? Another long shot.
Gordon Buntrock
Anyone notice Gordo? Probably not. Gordon Buntrock is one of the most unassuming golfers I know. But if you get a chance pay attention. Other than a few bad holes a round, and I mean bad holes, he has what it takes. That and he is named after a famous TV character, MR Buntrock from the Flintstones. Sorry I could not help myself.
Pat Notargiovanni
Nostradamus is a player. Bad putter but a fine golfer. He stands 5’-9” tall but hits a driver like Dustin Johnson. And when he stops changing his putting stroke around and sticks with one he might contend. Of course Pat Notargiovanni will need to take time off from coaching Douggy. That and his drinking problem.
Marty McGreevy
Marty has been on the road to recovery. Took some time off and I think it may have hurt his game a bit compared to the old days. But now he is back in the swing and had a few years to get back to his old form. Talk about a beautiful swing and what a putter. Inside 4’ the guy is money. He might want this more than anyone out there. Playing all road courses might be his demise. Of course if Danny Brown helps him to keep his head in it who knows. Might repeat.
Chuck Marchetti
As long as we are discussing Mr McGreevy. How about his pops. This guy has forgotten more about a golf swing than most will ever know. He struggles with his putter but fights thru it and could repeat as well.
Norman Gutmann
You know my wife cannot make up her mind if my life depended on it. Go figure. But my buddy Stormin Normin suffers from the same epileptic fits as she does. Now that is not funny but if you ever watch Norms preshot routine you will understand. I am not sure if he is rehearsing his swing or doing the Elaine dance. I know that is not it because he really can cut a rug. A lot of that has to do with his fine dance partner. But back to his game. Should Norm Gutmann ever get over his second guessing himself might be a winner.
John Gregg
Is John Gregg really coming back? Lets hope so. Lets also hope he wears his golf shoes to the course this time. If so he can play.
Terry Levy
How about Momba ? The South Afrieecan hits a golf ball like it did something indecent to his sister. Ykes. He is always within striking distance on the par fives. And often has to hit 8 iron off the tee to stay out of trouble. He has the hands of a tall blonde Sweedish Reflexologist. Playing junior golf with Ernie Els taught him imagination. Should he stay healthy might see him wearing the flowers in the winners circle.
Andy Nathan
Last years Champ was the SKATE. Andy Nathan has one of the prettiest golf swings of the TPGL. Power thru finesse. He is long, great irons and chips with the accuracy of a professional dart player. Putter is good at times.
Arun Jagasia
Before Skate won there was Arun Jagasia. A relatively new comer to the TPGL. Well liked by some, hated by others. Namely Me. I want his tee ball damn it. Like most, it comes and goes. But when it comes, look out. Long very long. Have not played with him much but from what I can tell he has worked hard on it at some time or another. But we all know long does not make a golfer. Some of his putting ability looks like he took lessons from a blind guy. And I do not mean the guy that sells window treatments.
Don Olson
Will Don “Sparky” Olson ever be the golfer of years past. He seems to lack passion as he ages and his nipple injury. Maybe this is due to some new medication he is taking or just that retirement is not all its cracked up to be. In any event he can play at least used to be able to play.
Gerry Erazmus
One of my favs is Gerry with G Erazmus. Before we get into his golf swing lets discuss his opinionated personality. I mean, really, he was the only guy who had had enough of poor Jim and told him in the parking lot after a round that he should find somewhere else to play what he called golf. Ok. And do not pull up to the wrong side of the ball if you are driving the cart. But all in all a great guy. His swing however looks like some tenement housewife beating the dust from an old rug hanging on the back porch railing. He once decided to make swing changes and things got ugly, so in an effort to be competitive he went back to his old ways. When it works, it works well. I have never seen a ground hook roll out like his ball can. So who cares how you get to 100 yards as long as you have a wedge in your hands.
Clarence Mild
This league has had characters and one of the most famous is the commander in exile. Well he is back. Not only has he been practicing ladder steps, he has come out of exile and now sits on the right hand of God himself, Danny Brown. This guy looked to one of our finest teachers in the TPGL (Scar) and worked with him in the early spring and showed signs of greatness. But it was not meant to be and decided to take a header off a ladder, SEASON OVER. So if he is going to add to his multiple TPGL trophies this might have to be the year.
Stan Treitler
Speaking of guys who got sidelined by injuries how about Stan Treitler. Man I first saw this guy play when we were at Bitter. It was Skates only friend and so he came with Andy. But age is taking its toll and now with his knees fixed, can he hoist a trophy ?
Ken Platt
Anyone know Kenny Platt ? He is in the same category as The Great White Hope. One of the last true gentlemen in the league. If you have not played with him that is because he took a hiatus but “He’s baaaaack” and looking to win.
Perry Anderson
Another long missed TPGLer with manners is Perry Anderson. He has never been the same after taking that gold ball off his head. But time heals all and he has moments of amazing talent. Far and few between but somewhere there is a player.
Phil Lamont
Phil who now holds the prestigious office of Secretary of the Treasurer. Lets all keep an eye on our money now. Phil has a long driver . . . I mean long. He will fool you. But then he has to hit an iron and putt. And putt and putt. Maybe he just needs to lick a Prozac as part of his putting set up. A little less steam.
Greg Stadlin
And speaking of a head of steam will Rhino be victorious ? Has the tee ball, has the best hooded iron swing I have ever seen and he has stole more money from me with that putter than the Bill Clinton years. I do not know where his game goes but when it goes it goes. Not sure he cares as long as he keeps taking green backs from Nostradamus. And Me. He does cash in at the ATM too.
Danny ATM Mitchum
All we need to discuss is his chipping or lack of. Well that may be a false statement as ATM and his partner once beat me and Nasty in a two man with a chip/flop shot that Phil Mickelson could not have hit. He hits the drive viscously with terror in his eyes. And at times finds a fairway. His putting stroke is unorthodox to say the least but don’t put a fiver on the line that he misses, he won’t. ATM can taste victory this year but playing on the road will make it tough.
Jay Steinhilber
Can Jay Bird Steinhilber contend? If he was a 10 maybe. But at a single digit his competition is tough and consistency will be the key.
Rich Smales
Bet you though I forgot about Rich Smales. You know he was once married to a golf pro. Can you imagine how sweet that would be. Who cares if the sex is good, fix my hook babe. Or Honey when you are done cooking dinner, will you look at my putting stroke. Well some of it must have stuck. Rich can play. What ever she taught him it works a nice swing with a mediocre putter.
Summary
I hope I have offended everyone equally. I know I have left a few out and I am sorry. Not really. Those of you new to the TPGL: welcome and your day will come. But do not be offended as I just have not had the pleasure to witness your perfectly lousy golf swing yet.
No wait Johnny . . .you did not tell us who is your pick to click is. Ok in this order.
- Tom Boettcher
- Danny Brown
- Bob Tafoya
Johnny's 2018 TPGL
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